Friday, March 29, 2013

Skit Nite at the church!

I wrote this skit as a tribute to my amazing Son-in-Law and to my Pastor who LOVES to tell Mother-in-Law jokes. :) I hope I NEVER find myself being this kind of Mother-in-Law!!  We had skit recital night at church where there were skits, songs, and music. Such a wonderful time! I wish I had pictures, Becky was a hoot!! :)

Me: (I'm sitting at a table, wearing a robe and slippers. My hair is in curlers w/ hairdryer, putting on green face mask, doing nails, drinking coffee. Phone rings) Hello? (pause) Yeah, come on over! (pause) No, no, Derek's not here, Coffee's on!

(hears a knock on the door.) Come in!!!

: (Becky walks in wearing a robe, very large earrings, a shower cap, and overly painted on bright lipstick.) Hi Madge!

: Well Hello Mertle! Come on in!  Take a load off and have a cuppa! (Becky sits down while I pour her a cup of coffee)

Oh Thank you! I think I will!

: (looks around the room) I just love what you've done to the house! It looks right homey!

: Well Thankya Mert.  I did most of it myself.  Kara, you know my daughter, Kara well she did help. She's pretty good at this kind of stuff ya know, but I just had so many good ideas!
Becky: How is Kara and that husband of hers doing?
Me: Oh good! Really good. Ya know, I'm Blessed Mert, truly blessed with that  son-in-law of mine. He spares no expense when it comes to me. … I was talking to him the other day about what I want done after I die, ya know, cremation, burial, embalming... just didn't know what I want done. And ya know what that generous son-in-law said to me?! … He said He wasn't taking any chances, he's going to pay for all three!

Becky: Such a sweetie!!
Me: Yep! He said not to worry about such things now. He said if tomorrow I were at death's door, he'd pull me through. and you know what he bought me for Christmas? A cemetery plot (slaps table) Now how thoughtful is that!

Becky: Madge, you are truly blessed! I know how you feel. I have a relationship like that with my son-in-law.

Me: Mm Hmm.

Becky: Not like others... I hear mother in-law jokes all the time. I just heard one recently. Pastor, he actually said it in church. He said "I always know when it's my mother-in-law knocking at the door – the mice throw themselves on the traps." (laughs) Ya know? That actually happened one day. I went and knocked on my daughter's door and all the mice traps went off! (stops talking abruptly, thinks, then dismisses thought with a wave of hand)  

(Phone rings I pick up phone)

: Excuse me will ya Mertle? …..Hello? (pause) Yeah, come on over! (pause) No, no, Derek's not here, (pause) no problem, bring her along!

Me: Let's see, What were we talking about? … Oh I remember! My son-in-law is so considerate! Whenever I enter the room he gets up and gives me his chair. He usually ends up leaving the house right quick after that on some kind of errand or another, but ain't he sweet to give me his chair? 

Becky: My daughter and her husband just got a new car! It's a beaut! all shiny red…. The salesman asked my son-in-law if he'd like an air bag, he said no, he has me.  You know why he said that? It's cuz I am always looking out for him.  He knows he can depend on me. I am always telling him when to turn, ya know, and when there's a red light coming? He always appreciates it that I'm so helpful. He says I am the perfect mother-in-law.
Me: And you are Mert! You are!
Becky: He says there isn't a joke in the whole world that doesn't describe me. He must think I'm pretty fun.

Me: Kara's husband has been learning some new tricks.  I think he watched that movie that came out, what's it called? … Oh yeah, spiderman.  He hasn't shown the kids his trick, he's been waiting for me to come over first, he loves me so much...yeah,  he didn't want me to miss it.  I heard him tell William that when I come over again he's going to climb the walls!

Becky: (Holding out hand, admiring nails) What do you think of this shade of nail polish?

Me: It's beautiful! You'll match the car when your son-in-law runs you on your errands!

Becky: You're so fashion savy! Love your new slippers by the way!

(Phone rings I pick up phone)

Me: Excuse me will again ya Hun? Hello? (pause) Yeah, come on over! (pause) No, Derek's not here, (pause) no problem, bring them all along!
Becky: I need to find a new place to stay. The house I live in is just too drafty.

: It is! I remember last time I was there, it took 3 hours for my hair to dry on the highest setting!

Becky: Well Last night I asked my son-in-law for advice. I thought I might have to move in with them while I looked for a place, and it may take awhile....  Did you know he is so good on computers?

Me: Mm Hmm He is!

Becky: Yes Ma'am! He got right on the internet and found some cheap housing. It's in a neighborhood not far from here. I've not heard of it before, but he says it's real close.  It's in a place called Iran.

: It sounds like a lovely place

Becky: You know, I really do love what you've done in this house!

Me: Ahh, you're such a good friend Mert.

Kara: (walks in carrying a grocery bag and talking on the phone) Okay, Wonderful! I'll be looking forward to seeing you in an hour here for dinner. It'll be fun! (Notices Becky and I sitting at the table, looks surprised and sets the groceries down) Mom! You're here!! Umm I didn't know you were planning on coming over! And you brought a friend! Just let me make a quick phone call.  (hunches over and talks secretly in the phone) Derek honey, don't come home! She's over here and she has a friend over too! (pause) How long will they be here??  I don't know! (pause) No, I didn’t change the locks. I thought you were going to! We better go out for dinner (pause) okay, I'll meet you at Chili's. (pause) okay, I'll be there in 5 minutes! 

Kara: (nervously and quickly) Um Mom, I just talked to Derek, He is going to be umm working late, yeah, and I need to get going. I have an errand to run. yeah, I need to go purchase some um cat shampoo,  (while rushing out the door) Sorry I can't stay!  love you! bye!

: Ain't she a sweetie !

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Mark 10:45

For even the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many.

Friday, March 8, 2013

Bargain! Oh yeah!! :)

Saw it
Wanted it.
Saw price tag 
$199.00 at Crate and Barrel!
Went hunting around the house
 Problem: the base of the lamp kit was too 
small, had to find a larger base to keep it 
from falling into the jar.  
Ah Hah! large mouth canning jar lid was 
just the ticket. 
Lamp harp $4.00
Old plastic canning jar lid 29 cents
Lamp kit from my daughter's yard sale...Free
Large glass jar, from a yard sale awhile back $2.00  
 Had a brilliant idea. Trace the lid, fold the circle to find the center, nip of the middle, put on the lid and mark the center for drilling... ta da!!! :) So proud of my stroke of mediocre brilliance. 
Pride cometh before the fall, don't do it that way, it doesn't work. LOL
The hole was much to big, and since I traced the outside of the lid, the circle was a bit bigger than the lid. Put those two things together and you get an off center mark.
Plan #2
look on the underside of the lid, see that little circle there that marks the center?? ha ha
Drilled it. (make sure you put something you don't want a hole in under the lid to keep from marring your surface.)
assembled all the pieces and plugged 'er in!
    Finished product: $6.29 (I used the lamp shade from the lamp that previously lit this table.)
Hmmmm not counting the tax money I didn't spend, 
I saved  $192.71
Where shall I take all my girlie friends out to lunch?